


Faithfully

by Myadog3



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - Various Authors, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Final Battle, Light Smut, Non-Graphic Smut, One Shot, Sad Ending, Short One Shot, light smut at the start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3913960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myadog3/pseuds/Myadog3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen must send the inquisitor to Corypheus for one last time. Takes place during and after the Doom Upon All the World quest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faithfully

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on some songs that made me think of some very sad cullen x quiz feels. And yeah i took a few lyrics and turned it into dialogue whoops. the songs are listed if you wanna set the mood:
> 
> Faithfully, by Journey  
> Sideways, by Citizen Cope  
> Hurt, by Johnny Cash

His hips pressed into her faster as her hand tangled in his hair, the other gripping his body. Her legs were around him, guiding him. And then she was coming, calling out his name. He felt like this is where he belonged. With her, forever. Her shuddering hips caused him to finally lose himself in her, and he called out her name as she had called out his. His hips slowed, and stopped after a few more lazy thrusts. Cullen looked down at her, panting. “I love you.” He said. He rested his forehead against hers. “I love you too.” She whispered. 

Cullen had sent her on missions before, but never one like this. This time he was sending her straight to Corypheus. She was strong, maybe stronger than all of them, but he still felt his stomach drop as she loaded the last of her gear onto her horse. “Evelyn, may I speak with you for a moment?” He asked. She turned to him and smiled, there was a sadness behind her eyes that he wondered if anyone else could see it. “Of course Cullen…” She said. He led her to the small chantry chapel, empty and quiet as usual. “You’re thrown into his path again. Andraste preserve me, I have to send you to him.” Cullen felt a lump in his throat and looked away from her. “Cullen,” He felt a hand on his arm and he turned to her. “I have luck on my side remember?” She reached to her neck, she had fashioned the coin he had given her into a pendant. His heart flipped. She still had it. He gathered her into his arms and she hugged him back. “The way I feel about you… It won’t change, no matter what happens now. Even now I think back to when we- when I said I loved you. That remains true even now.” He whispered. “I love you too. Nothing can change how I feel about you either.” She said. They stood in the chapel for a while longer. “But Cullen what if I can’t?” She asked in a small voice. He refused to think about it. “No. Whatever happens, you will come back to me.” He promised. She pulled away and looked at him. She traced her finger lightly across the scar on his lip with a sad smile. “Of course.” She said. So he kissed her. There was nothing left to say.

When she rode away he fought the urge to run out to her, beg her to stay. Beg her not to go. He knew the world needed her just as much as he did but he couldn’t let them have her. She had already given them so much. Why this one thing more? He turned away and walked to his quarters. Everyone was nervously cheering her on. He hated them for making light of this. They had to know what they were sending her into and yet they still celebrated. He slammed the door to his office. There was nobody around to hear it. He leaned against his desk, fighting the tears. He should have told her then. Maybe if he had asked her then she would have stayed. What a foolish thought, she knew she had to do this, him telling her would just make it harder for her. Cullen slammed his fists on the desk. Now came the worst part. The waiting.

Evelyn Trevelyn had been following Corypheus through the ruined castle for hours. She was tired. The great tear in the sky stared down at her. Varric was helping a nearly unconscious Dorian who would not turn back. Cole followed silently. The quietness was unsettling. She walked past more floating stones. She had already killed Corypheus’ dragon. He was finally mortal and trapped. She could end it now. A bolt of lyrium streaked past her. She sprung out of the way, her muscles felt creaky, weary. Corypheus stood in the middle of the amphitheater, cradling a orb. With nowhere left to go it seemed he had gathered the last of his power and was ready to fight. “Why don’t you come out inquisitor? Have you finally given up?” Corypheus growled. She looked up at the green streaked sky, it was time to end this. She thought of Cullen and reached for the silver piece around her neck. She pressed the small coin to her lips. “Forgive me, my love,” she whispered and charged.

It had been a week. She should be back by now. The world hadn’t ended so she must have been victorious. Still, Cullen’s days had become a stretched out nightmare. He couldn’t sleep, the dreams were back worse than ever. Without her soothing voice and gentle touch in the night, he now found sleeping a waste of time. He would rather spend the night staring at the gate than waking up alone in a cold sweat. He should have told her before. If he would have told her then he wouldn’t have to carry it around with him all the time. He knew at any time the horns would sound and she would return, and this all would be over. Finally, the horns sounded. He sprung out of his office and raced down the stairs to the gates. He would tell her as soon as he saw her. Now was the time. Already the crowd was collecting, cheering, for the inquisition banners were flying high in the wind. They had done it. He searched for her among the train of people. He stumbled into someone below his eye level. “Varric, pardon me.” He saw the doleful look in the dwarf’s eyes. “Im sorry, Cullen.” He said. “Sorry? For-“ Then he saw it. The hastily crafted wagon, the black banners, the figure shrouded in the wagon itself. He felt the world shatter. He looked around for her again. The world was quiet. No. He could hear. He just didn’t want to. This wasn’t. That couldn’t be. And yet it was. He stumbled back. Into someone. He watched as the wagon stopped in front of the great hall.

A vigil was planned for two days later. Cullen had retreated to his office after Varric told him what had happened. She had stopped Corypheus but in the process, destroyed herself as well. He was hiding and he knew it. He hadn’t gone to see her. Had not and most likely would not. He just sat in his desk chair, gazing out the window to the mountains. Sometimes he would get lost in his thoughts. Of course, that meant the snap back to reality became even more painful. He watched as the sun drained down the mountain to the dark and watched it climb back up again. There was a knock at the door that he ignored. He heard the door open and turned to look, still disappointed that it wasn’t her.

“Cullen, please don’t give up because of this. I know we’re all feeling her loss but don’t shut yourself away. There are people here for you. People who understand.” Varric said. Cullen stared him in the eye.

“How.” He croaked.

“What?” Varric asked.

“How. Could anyone understand how I feel. How could anyone make me feel this less. No one can fix this. It’s already broken.” Cullen spat. Varric looked scorned.

“You weren’t there, you don’t know-” He started softly.

“-BUT YOU WERE AND YET YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING. YOU DIDN’T SAVE HER.” Cullen yelled as he stood up to face Varric. The dwarf shook his head and turned to leave. Before he closed the door he turned back with a tortured expression.

“Maybe you should talk to the kid, Cole was there when she- anyway, he has a message for you I think. He’s really, well, he’s not okay.” Varric left. Cullen stood by his desk, nail digging into the sides. Cole had been there. The spirit of compassion. If there was to be anyone but him by her side at the end it should have been Cole. And he had a message from her. Cullen needed it. He needed something, anything, to bring her back to him if only for a moment. He gathered himself slowly and forced himself out the door. The boy was usually found in the tavern so he made his way there. He met a few people who offered him their condolences and he accepted them respectfully, but inside they felt like poison. The tavern wasn’t as boisterous as it usually was. Definitely not as boisterous as the night Varric had started a game of Wicked Grace. That was usually a good memory, a laughable one at least. Now when he thought about it, it felt numb. He walked quietly to the stairs to the next floor of the inn, spotting Bull and Dorian sitting drinking at one of the tables. Dorian held his head in his hands and Bull was staring at his strangely full drink. Cullen made it to the top of the stairs where Cole usually stood, however he wasn’t there. Cullen walked back down the stairs.

“Have either of you seen Cole?” Cullen asked. Dorian didn’t move but Bull looked up. “I think he went down to the chantry.”

“The chapel? Thank you.” Cullen was worried, what would he find in the chapel, would she be there? Would they have her displayed? Surely not. The doors were already open and people had come and laid candles down, along the doors and in the chantry itself. He walked through the doors. His footsteps echoed. There was a coffin laying on the altar. It didn’t strike him as much as he thought it would. A very small comfort. And there, seated by the altar with his legs pulled to his chest and his head on his knees, was Cole. He walked up to him, he always seemed so small, even with his hat adding to his circumference. He was rocking slightly, and Cullen put a hand on his shoulder. “Cole, Varric said you had something for me?” He asked. Cole looked up with a pout. “Sad, angry, he feels the hurt, not like you feel the hurt, he joked about writing the adventures, he doesn’t want to write about this.” The spirit murmured, fumbling in his coat for something. He pulled out a slightly crumpled letter and pressed it to Cullen. He resumed his rocking. “Tired, so tired, she can end this, and she will, for him, for them.” He muttered. Cullen unfolded the letter, he recognized her handwriting.

_My dearest Cullen,_

_Ive been turning this around in my mind for a long time, I send all my love to you, all this time its been just you and me. Loving the inquisitor cannot have been as simple as it could be but yet you’ve stood by me. Being apart isn’t easy for me, but I always know at the end of the road there’s you. I always get the joy of rediscovering you. We’ve learned how to fall in love again time after time. I’m ready to try this life thing if you are. I don’t know where to start, but I do have an idea. I guess what im saying is that I love you, Im forever yours,_

_Faithfully, Evelyn_

Cullens fingers traced over her signature, her hand has passed over there not too long ago. She was there in that time, he felt comforted by that. It seemed that they had both had something they were hiding, waiting to tell each other. He turned back to Cole who was still rocking back and forth and whispering.

“Cole,” Cullen started kindly “Varric said you were with her at the end, are you alrig-“ Cullen started and stopped when Cole began to speak.

“fumbling, fumbling, fingers wrap around the letter, she left it vague, she knew, in the back of her mind she knew, it had to be vague in case she didn’t make it, shes sorry, he couldn’t know, not now. It wouldn’t help the hurt. I would have could him when I got back. He has the letter, we’ve won, Cullen, always Cullen, im sorry- then, no more worry and then-darkness.” Cole mumbled.

“Tell me what Cole, what did she have to tell me?” Cullen asked.

“Hands resting flat on her stomach, she knew, she knew before she left, she couldn’t tell anyone, no one could know, she would have been forced to stay, still strong, one more piece of him she took with her. One more.” Cole was rocking faster now, his voice shaking.

“Cole. Was she.” Cullens voice broke. It couldn’t be, could it? The last time they had, it would have been right when she. “Cole, was she, she was pregnant?” He whispered. Cole covered his face with his hands but remained silent. “Cole, was she? Answer me!” Cullen shouted. He pulled Cole’s hands away from his face. Tears were plunging down the boys face. Cullen slackened his grip and Cole touched his face with his hand.

“Sadness, wet, tears, shouldn’t be wet. Spirit not human. Spirit not human. Spirit not human.” Cole whispered.

“Cole.” Cullen urged.

“Thoughts racing, what could this mean if she was. Her letter meant to tell him then, Pregnant?” Cole said

“She was, wasn’t she?” Cullen implored. Cole stopped rocking.

“Yes.” He started to flicker, he was going to fade out like he did when he was overwhelmed. Cullen was too, he wish he could fade out as well. The spirit boy was gone.

Cullen leaned against the coffin. Tears fell down his face. He never got the chance to ask her. “My love,” He sniffed, “I am so sorry, I let you down.” He felt into his pocket. “If I could go back and start again, a million miles away” He kissed the smooth wood of the coffin and placed the ring on top of it, “I would save you, I would find a way.”


End file.
